7 Steps to a Great Interview

philadelphia, pa

Most everyone has experienced this at least once: you’re sitting across from an intimidating interviewer and attempting to be natural — in a very unnatural situation. Then you begin to wonder, am I being my best self? Am I laughing too much at the bad jokes? Why is the interviewer looking at me like that? Am I saying these questions out loud? Don’t overthink it, follow these 7 tips, and you’ll be on your way to landing the job!

1. Don’t Overthink It

   Yes we just said that in the previous sentence, but a lot of people skip straight to the numbered list, so we need to write it here also. Scientific research has proven that while thinking is good, overthinking is overly not good.

2. Prepare Ahead of Time

   It may seem obvious, but it’s pretty distracting if you’re brushing your teeth, or shaving during the interview. Particularly avoid any ear, nose, or throat-related cavity probes.

3. Avoid Outward Displays of Spinach

   Again, seems like common sense, but that errant strand of spinach wedged between your teeth from your lunch says: gross, bad brushing habits, eeeuuww, and don’t pay attention to anything I’m saying. Also, no draping of spinach about your head and shoulders (unless you’re applying for a job in the Sumatran Spinach Festival, in which case it’s actually encouraged).

4. Be Your Best Self

   Unless your best self is you after 6 shots of tequila, shouting at the top of your lungs as you encourage the entire club to flip it up, slap it, and rub it down. In which case, be your second-best self.

5. Be Honest

   Of course we all spruce up our resumes a tad. We may exaggerate our ability to write a blog post into WordPress Mastery, or elevate ‘Restricted’ to ‘Top-secret’ clearance in our previous posting as Ambassador to Lithuania — that’s to be expected. But when you sit across from the interviewer, just know that sooner or later they’re going to find out the truth. If you claim it on your resume, one day they’ll know if you’ve actually harpooned a walrus or not, so it’s better to start by building a relationship based on trust. Look them in the eye and say, “I’ve only harpooned three walruses, the other five I killed with a sword.”

6. Be Your Honest Best Self

   This may seem like we’ve conflated steps four and five by simply re-wording them in order to add another step to our list. It may seem like that because that’s exactly what we did.

7. Do Everything in This Step

   Bathe, brush teeth, fix your hair, put on clean clothes, arrive ten minutes early, look them in the eye, give a firm handshake, breathe, relax, don’t be a fucking weirdo, be honest, smile, thank them, and write a non-stalkerish follow-up. And remember if you don’t get this job, there’ll be another opportunity. Alternately, you could take it as a sign to explore your plan B — because the world always needs more underwater, arc-welding ninjas.