Theresa May’s 7 Sweeping and Dramatic Changes to Brexit

Photo Source: Controller of Her Majesty’s Stationery Office, OGL v3.0

london, england

Responding to complaints from the opposition that her recent versions of the Brexit referendum offered little substantive change from one another, British Prime Minister Theresa May sat down with her closest advisors yesterday to review the new round of proposed changes she had just made. Lorde’s was able to secure a copy of the proposed plan prior to it’s official release, and ahead of the 1,379th vote on the bill in the last 4 days. Here’s a summary of what she termed “sweeping and dramatic changes”:

Page 13, section II, changed “croissants” to “crumpets”.
Page 41, part A, changed “fairly moderate” to “mostly moderate”.
Page 67, sub-section IV, inserted the phrase “because Boris Johnson is a fucking sod.”
Page 133, clause C, inserted the word “bulbous” 13 times at random locations.
Page 188, corollary a, changed “always and without exception” to “if we feel like it.”
Page 212, section VII, added the phrase, “it’s us or the frogs, you can choose.”
Page 295, Amendment 5, ‘Penalties’, removed 3 zeroes.

After reading the document, fellow conservative and strategist, Stephen Hurst observed, “I’m not sure about the first six, but number seven ought to move the needle.”