China to Wave Ban on Tiger Parts

November 14, 2018

Beijing, china

As of October 29th, medical use of tiger bone in China resumed after a 25-year ban.  A shocking development considering there are only 4,000 wild tigers in the world today.

According to Herbalist Li Wei, “In Chinese culture, Tigers are a revered symbol of strength, power and beauty.  So, of course we powder them and rub it on our dicks.”

The issue of Tiger extinction has even made it’s way to the international community.  David M. Satterfield, Assistant Secretary of State for Near Eastern Affairs had this to offer, “Sino-American relations are currently under stress.  If China lets Don Jr. [sic] pop a tiger in a petting zoo, that’s good for the global economy.”

Never comfortable with change, China will one day be forced to come to grips with Tiger extinction.  Li Wei is nothing if not pragmatic.  “It thing about tigers is, they are as beautiful as they are placebic.  It’s a one in a million combination, like finding a tiger penis in a haystack.” 

For the short term, he seemed less worried.  “Dragon is an excellent tiger substitute, and with “Game of Thrones finally over, HBO can sell them by the pound.”