Big Box Wholesalers Debut XXXXXXXXL Sizes of Products

New york, NY

Saying that, “…it’s a reflection of U.S. consumer shopping trends and of average body sizes.” Several major big box wholesalers have introduced XXXXXXXXL sizes of hundreds of products.

Melanie Zeppo, spokeswoman for Consumer Trends, said, “This is just an example of free market supply and demand. From the new Octo-XL sweatpants and jeans, to a 288-pack of toilet paper, to a 27 pound tub of mac ‘n’ cheese — these are products the American consumer wants and, in many cases, needs.”

“Dude, this is amazing,” enthused customer Tyler Horkman, “This Octo-X bag of chips is insane. Should last a couple weeks…and you can use it as a sleeping bag when you’re done.”

But Horkman said the item at the top of his wishlist is the Octo-X Octopod — a couch-sized beanbag chair with 8 remote controlled arms. “Again, amazing bro. You wouldn’t have to get up all day. The arms extend out twenty-five feet — easily long enough to grab a beer from the fridge or drop a bag of poo in the toilet. What else could you want?”