Former Wells Fargo CEO is Hoppin’ Mad
Photo by Captain-tucker, SA 3.0
San francisco, ca
Wilson Atkins, former CEO of Wells Fargo Banks is, “…angrier than a pole cat in a chigger nest,” over the recent spate of wrongdoings by the bank. Referring to 17 separate instances of alleged or proven misdeeds by the lending institution since 2016. “It’s an overblown dust-up with the fake accounts scandal. I mean, back in my day we mighta called that being creative — taking the bull by the horns.”
Atkins continued, “It’s so wussified, what with all of these rules and regulations, why it’s gettin’ so a feller can’t rightfully bank. Just go about the plain ol’ business of banking. I mean who was really hurt by these fake accounts anyway?”
When it was pointed out to Atkins that subsequent missteps at Wells have included improperly repossessing military service members’ cars, secretly altering social security and DOB info on customer’s accounts, and accidentally foreclosing on hundreds of houses because of a ‘software glitch’, he responded, “Never heard of a software glitch, isn’t that what the Viagra is for?”
When asked if he thought it would have any impact on Wells Fargo branding, he replied, “Naw, not if you get the iron hot enough.”
He went on to say, “But it’s because we’re so hogtied with these regulations — we weren’t thinkin’ straight. You can’t expect a cowboy to run a roundup with his hands lassoed behind his back…well it’s the same with us. These gosh dern suits out in Washington, they need to let a banker bank.”
Cynthia Townsend, current VP of Administrative Affairs at Wells Fargo said, “Mr. Atkins no longer represents the bank in any capacity, and his opinions do not reflect those of us here at Wells Fargo. Also, I think he’s off his meds.”