Ghost of Paul Volcker Haunts Fed Meeting

Washington, d.c.

The ghost of former Fed Chair Paul Volcker was seen for about ten seconds during a closed meeting of the Fed today. Accounts of the visitation vary, but most agree that the apparition manifested and then hovered near the ceiling in the center of the room while James Bullard, President of the St. Louis branch of the Fed spoke. Bullard said, “I don’t think President Trump’s suggestion is so bad. Why don’t we pause the rate hikes?”

Neel Kashkari, head of the Minneapolis Fed recalled the events, “Right after his comment, the ghost of Volcker gave Bullard the finger and, I’m not exactly sure how the physics work, but I think he ripped a giant fart.”

Esther George, Kansas City Fed President, added, “He totally did, that thing stunk so bad, it was just rotten eggs and sulfur.”

When asked how it was possible that Paul Volcker has a ghost since he’s not in fact dead yet, Kashkari and George shook their heads and shrugged.

“I’ll tell you how Volcker has a ghost,” Dallas Fed President Robert Kaplan interjected, “It’s because he’s a fucking boss! Anyone that can take the rate to twenty percent is also a master of the space/time continuum and has powers we mere mortals don’t fully comprehend.”

Kaplan was referring to then Fed-Chair Volcker hiking the Federal Funds Rate to 20% in June of 1981 in an attempt to stymie the rampant inflation of the late 1970’s.

Kaplan continued, “I know what I saw. I sure as hell can’t explain it, but it was very clear what the ghost of Volcker thought of Bullard’s idea: a very rancid fuck you.”

As of press time, Fed Chairman Jerome Powell was holding a seance with six former Fed Chair ghosts to help plot the best course for future hikes.