Italy Concerned about Leading Economic Indicator

Rome, italy

“This is not good. Great god in heaven, this is not good at all,” said Giovanni Tria, Italy’s Minister of Economy and Finance, speaking through a translator earlier today. He was referring to the ‘Tagliatella Bagnata,’ a rare but surprisingly accurate economic indicator for the Italian economy.

Mario Panini, head economic advisor at the Hastings Institute, explained the metric, “The Tagliatella Bagnata, or Wet Noodle, indicator occurs when three different defensive players for Italian Serie A football teams fail to complain to the referee about a foul call made against them in the span of one week.” As implausible as the possibility of this happening sounds, it occurred yesterday.

The second and third instances happened yesterday in a game between AC Milan and Juventus — an ominous sign in itself. First, Leonardo Bonucci of Juventus took down a Milan striker on a breakaway and didn’t so much as look at the referee, he simply raised his hand and acknowledged he committed the foul. The crowd was stunned. Then, late in the game, Milan defender Mattia Caldara blatantly tripped Ronaldo, yet remained completely silent the entire time the referee set up the free kick. He didn’t even make a gesture. This last impassive action came on the heels of a similar Wet Noodle last weekend by an InterMilan halfback.

Panini explained the rationale behind the indicator, “To those unfamiliar with how tightly football is woven into the Italian psyche and identity it may seem strange — for comparison, think of a Frenchman not going on strike at the slightest inconvenience, or an American football player not gesticulating wildly after making a simple tackle.”

He elaborated, “For an Italian footballer not to protest a call, something must be deeply wrong with him, so we must ask ‘What could this be?’ Could there be tension at home? Are finances tight? If life is so bad for a soccer player that he can’t dispute a basic call, then think what the situation must be for the average Italian citizen.”

Tria concluded, “The last time we had the Tagliatella Bagnata was in 2008, it was a quattro, and we all know what followed.” He was referring to the fact that four instances occurred in one week in the Spring of 2008. “We’re all praying to the sweet virgin Mary that we get through this coming weekend’s matches with no more noodles.”