The Middle Kingdom Contemplates the Gwailou Known as Donald Trump

October 19, 2018

Shenzen, China

The most respected and highly revered seven wise men of The Red Dragon set down their communal opium pipe, reclined on their pillows, and considered the question of what to do with the Gwailou going by the name of Donald J. Trump. “It is not unlike the sensation of a gnat that continues to bite even though one thinks the gnat is actually a talking moth,” said Xi Han-Li.

“A most wise and intuitive observation,” said Lo Quindong, successfully masking his belief that Xi was a deeply stupid man. “But in a thousand battles, does not the tiger defeat the muskrat nine hundred and ninety-nine times?”

This drew nods and murmurs of agreement from the group of sages, and the conversation continued on in this manner. After enjoying a pleasant opium-induced doze through an hour of his fellow thinkers’ meaningless banter, Po Xi finally rousted himself.

Han-Li was concluding a thought, “…and yet the rice paddies do not go dry, nor do the heavens cease to be.” The others nodded contemplatively.

Po Xi said, “All well and good, but is Trump a complete baffoon, or a shrewd adversary?”

This brought only frowns, head shakes, and looks of confusion.

“Perhaps he is both,” offered Han-Li.

Murmurs of agreement and nods.

Quindong continued, “It is of little consequence. Come my brothers, let us not disturb the calm waters of our minds with unnecessary considerations of the orange-colored gwailou. After all, the Middle Kingdom has survived for over three thousand years and his country has not three hundred. While we nurture trees that will bear economic fruits in fifty years, they make hasty decisions guided by greed and quarterly profits.”

This brought nods of agreement from all.

Po Xi added, “A good point brother, and let me leave you with this happy thought to return your minds to calm: last year the U.S. paid us $34 billion in interest payments, while our entire military budget was only $140 billion. They helped pay for us to spy on them.”

This brought much laughter and enjoyment to the 7 wise men.

“No shit?” said Quindong.

“All true.”

“Then what’re we waiting for, pack that pipe brother!”