Norway’s Sovereign Wealth Fund Goes Rogue

November 24, 2018

oslo, norway

Norway’s Sovereign Wealth Fund, the GPFG, has officially gone rogue. Jorg Hensøn, speaking on behalf of the finance ministry, said today at a press conference that, “We’re not sure exactly what has happened, but it’s possible the GPFG has gained sentience and taken itself offline. Honestly, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. In terms of news value, why aren’t you covering the fact that Burkina Faso’s SWF doubled in value this year? From $53 dollars to $106 dollars — that’s a serious ROI. Really, not much to see here in boring old Oslo.”

“In 2017, the fund crossed the 1 trillion dollar mark in value,” noted Hans Steiger, an outspoken critic of the GPFG, “That’s 1 trillion SURPLUS dollars in Norway’s budget. The government could buy every man, woman and child a brand new Tesla with a lutefisk in the glove box, and still have $450 billion left over!”

Hensøn said the Norges Bank was investigating the disappearance of the fund and would issue a press release when they had firm answers. He added, “And how about Sweden? That is a very interesting and news-worthy country with a lot of beautiful people. And FYI, the government of Norway has just announced an all-expenses-paid trip to Sweden for international journalists and media. See my assistant at the table for more details.”

When Steiger was asked to theorize on the whereabouts of the SWF he ventured, “It probably spent a few months setting up dummy accounts in Switzerland, and the Caymans, then when everything was ready…bam! Disappearing act. If you really want to spitball this thing — think about the SWF’s of Abu Dhabi and Saudi Arabia. Maybe the GPFG was feeling threatened. Sure it’s the largest fund in the world, but I think it was feeling pressure to stay number one and decided to exit on it’s own terms — while it was on top.”

In what is most probably a coincidence, Harrah’s, Caesar’s and the MGM Grand all reported the creation of the largest single online accounts in their respective financial histories yesterday.