Orange Juice and Condoms go Hand in Hand

naples, fl

In a move intended to mimic the recent success of carton downsizing by the orange juice industry, several condom manufacturers have agreed to reduce the size of various condoms.

Samuel Rucker, speaking on behalf of Florida citrus growers stated, “Several years ago, in an attempt to avoid price increases to the consumer, we as an industry engaged in a negative container sizing paradigm, that progressed a traditional 64 ounce, half-gallon carton, down to 59 ounces. Almost nobody noticed. It was perfect. Bottom line is, Sally Suburbia won’t pay more than $3.50 for a carton of OJ. We just completed a second downsizing to 52 ounces, but we’re getting some blowback that this one doesn’t feel right.”

In a battle to increase the highly sensitive, ultra-thin profit margins of the condom industry, Lester Scrimshaw, VP of Marketing for Trojan noted they’d decided to follow the lead of citrus growers. “Our initial thought was that customers might be frustrated by the 3% size reduction, but our test group feedback came back overwhelmingly positive. It took us a minute to figure it out, then it made perfect sense — if you bought a ‘Medium’ condom from Trojan one month ago, and then bought the exact same ‘Medium’ condom today, it would feel 3% tighter when you put it on. I’ll let you do the math on why we received 99.9% positive feedback.” Scrimshaw continued, “We decided it would be best for everyone if we didn’t advertise our product downsizing, I mean hey, if our customer thinks his dick got a little bigger, then who are we to take that joy away from him?”