Merkel Admits she has Crush on Trump

November 19, 2018

berlin, germany

Shaking her head in confusion and disgust, German Chancellor Angela Merkel admitted to her closest advisors that she has a crush on Donald Trump. Speaking on terms of anonymity, an advisor said that after Merkel stated her feelings for the current U.S. president, she then stood up and started to rub her hands vigorously on her arms, as if scrubbing them and said, “I can’t fucking believe this, I feel so dirty — I need to take a long shower.”

Speaking apparently without irony, psychologist Dr. Hans Wilmer had this to say, “I find it odd that Chancellor Merkel would have suppressed feelings of desire for a man such as Trump, who is by most accounts a domineering, racist, egomaniac. I really didn’t see that coming.”

The advisor wrapped up her account of the incident noting, “I have empathy for her because while she is so viscerally disturbed by the concept of liking Mr. Trump, the last thing she said before she left for the day was, “Do you think I’m his type?”